Bonjour, Je m’appelle Mattilyn
What inspires you everyday
That’s a tricky question, and without sounding vain, I have to say it’s often myself. I struggle with anxiety, and often for a reminder that I am in fact strong? I’ll look back on previous situations in my past where I did something extremely difficult which at the time seemed impossible. I also look to my peers and teachers for inspiration.
What is something you would change about people in the world?
I really wish people were more forgiving and loving. For most people, they’re willing to forgive to a certain degree, but eventually they stop being willing to forgive a specific person, which is totally understandable. I wish people wouldn’t give up on one another. I also wish people were more aware and understanding of mental illness, and how that can impact people in their daily lives.
What is your view on society today?
Oh gosh… Society obviously has a lot of problems, the biggest of which I belive are racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, and discrimination in general. Regarding sexism in particular, I think it creates a lot of objectification of women, and from a young age girls are taught to base their worth on their appearance rather than their accomplishments. They’re thought that they need to strive to have a smaller waist, longer legs, longer hair, bigger lips, smaller nose etc.
This of course causes a lot of dangerous eating disorders, particularly in the world of ballet and modeling. The world is changing this slowly though, and healthy is becoming the new skinny.
What is something you’ve struggled with?
Easy. Anxiety. Since 7th grade, I’ve struggled with keeping up with assignments due to sheer number as I have a processing disorder. This caused me to fear coming to school for fear of facing my disappointed teachers. Anxiety manifests itself in different ways with different people. For me the two main issues have been negitive thoughts, and debilitating fear which often keeps me in bed or at home. Whenever I would disappoint my family by making someone late, or getting a poor grade, or whatever
Else, I’d tell myself about how I didn’t deserve any of the things I had. How I was worthless, and nothing but a burden on my family. I genuinely believed for a time that they’d be better off without me, and only loved me out of obligation. I used to pray to God and ask him to to trade places with a starving child or someone with cancer, because obviously that’s what I deserved. The tricky thing about these negitive thoughts is that it causes you to twist other people’s words in your mind.
For instance, my step mom would say, “you go to this expensive private school and you’re not showing appreciation for it with good attendance and grades.” Of course I would hear, “you don’t deserve anything that you have. You’re an entitled spoiled brat.” I was diagnosed with anxiety in the spring of last year (freshman year) and it was then that my counselor helped me to realize what was causing these thoughts. since then I’ve been able to distinguish reality from what’s in my mind. If I began to think something like “I’m a horrible selfish person” I’d be able to stop myself and say, “hey anxiety, fuck off. You’re not gonna win this one.”
What is a positive message you would give others?
Love. Love yourself, love others, allow others to love you. Most importantly, no matter what is in your past, your future is still up to you. No matter how many times you screw up, every single day is a new chance. It is absolutely never ever too late. Never ever allow yourself to feel worthless, because every single human on this earth has certain idiosyncrasies which cannot be replicated by anyone. I belive that everyone has something important to contribute in one way or another. This world needs you